A Stench For Yo Ass!

OMFG . . . Fam’ I literally think I just regurgitated my Left Nut . . . (Oops, "Politically Correct" my Left Testicle).

WHAT THE F**K is really going on?

I will explain my dilemma later.

So check it. . .

Now this morning fam’ I was hungry. Now you know that’s nothing new for B’wood. I love a good hardy, har, breakfast.

I figure I need breakfast in my life to deal with my coworkers and this damn stressful job. However, this morning, things just didn’t quite go right.

Any who, I decided I had a taste for some pancakes from Mickey D’s which is located right in front of my J-O-B!

Now I know . . . I know . . . Mickey D’s isn’t the breakfast of champions, but, a kidd needed some Hotcakes & Sausage in his life with a medium Hot Tea (Two Sugars, please).

So as proceed to my destination, I patiently await for the elevator.

DING!

I pressed the ground floor button and just enjoyed my ride by my lonesome and took in the quiet peace of mind.

Now when I arrived at Mickey D’s it was mayhem as usual. The Mickey D’s is located near Underground Atlanta so all walks of life arrive early and it’s just a hot spot in the morning.

So since I was in no rush to get any work done today, I patiently awaited my turn to make my order.

Now, since I’m a regular customer my morning g’rl was all cheerful and said hey, sweetheart, what you getting this morning?

I said HOT (Hotcakes and Sausage) with a medium Hot Tea, and before I could finish she politely replied and (Two Sugars), is that right sweetie.

I said alright now! Don’t be flirtin’ with me this morning. G’rl you got yo burgundy braids all freshly done with your black Mickey D’s sun-visor on, just stylin n’ profiln’.

Not to mention your lip gloss is poppin’ and your gold tooth is just blingin’ on your Lateral Incisor. (Sorry, I’m a teeth person).

She said I make sure they make you a fresh order.

I tell ya, Ms’ Thang, took my debit card and rubbed my hand and said . . . Umm, hmm . . . you got those manly hands.

WOW!

Okay, my Lil’ “Big Man” I must admit did wake up after that soft caress and became “ROCK HARD” in seconds.

Order # 109.

I picked up my meal and headed towards the building; when all hell broke loose.

No one was in the corridor, so yes . . . I could ride the elevator again solo.

As my elevator arrived, an older gentlemen stepped out and I proceeded to step in the elevator.

THEN SHAJAMMM!!!!!

WHAT IN THE MUTHA FU**KIN WORLD, is that smell.

OMFG . . . MAY–DAY . . . MAY-DAY. . . B’wood has been hit.

I REPEAT!

B’wood has been hit.

He’s going down . . . He’s going down.

I can’t think, my head is spinning, and I can’t locate the Elevator Emergency PHONE!

LAWD . . . LAWD . . . I need you LAWD

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the LORD my soul to keep;
If I die before I wake,
Bless me Lord my soul to take.

Dayummm, Dayuuum, Dayuumm, that’s the wrong prayer.

Whether he had gas, somethin’ literally died in him, or perhaps he whipped out some OLD SPICE from 1979, I was no more good.

The minute the doors open . . . My LEFT NUT was in my throat . . . And I needed OXYGEN.

HELL, I needed and Oxygen Tank.

The rancidity of the air had literally ruined my breakfast.

I was stumbling lookin’ like a lush who just took a sip of Velvet Pu**y (Guinness and port) straight to the head.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! I now have transformed into angry Black Man.

2:30 p.m., please get here ASAP!

My damn day needs to be over!